Nip/Tuck

I adore my gynecologist. I really do. While most people usually dread visiting their gynecologist, I look forward to seeing her since the appointments are spent with the two of us laughing for the most part. Whether it’s at the state of the economy or the state of my vagina it’s usually a topic that is convoluted yet laughable.

At my most recent appointment, as I lay with my ankles hoisted up in stirrups wearing an uncomfortable yet functional paper dress, I asked what was new and exiting with her in the land of vagina. She was excited to tell me that she has started performing cosmetic vaginal plastic surgery (rather “vaginal rejuvenation”) due to a recent surge in demand. Intrigued, I attempted to sit up and asked a battery of questions, like Why did she start doing this? How often does she perform the procedure? How banged up are these vaginas that need to be cosmetically altered? She told me she began getting referrals from a plastic surgeon friend whose apparent fear of vaginas outweighed his love of money. Initially she was “rejuvenating” woman who work the adult entertainment industry but has since seen an increase in every day woman hoping to lift their lady bits.

At what point does a woman say to herself “Hmm. My labia is longer than I’d like it to be. I think I want to pay someone the cost of a small car to just cut the damn thing off.” Now, I’ve had two human beings descend through my vagina and can totally understand that some women’s shit might be really messed up after childbirth. I have, in fact, known women whose episiotomy had left them mutilated and in need of reconstructive surgery. But these are not the woman I wonder about. I wonder about women that have the free time and finances to obsess about a part of their body that can’t easily be seen to her without the aid of a hand held mirror and strategic lighting.

How can a woman (or a man for that matter) this day in age not know that vaginas aren’t “supposed” to look a certain way? No two vaginas look alike. An English sculptor by the name of Jaime McCartney is exhibiting his recent work entitled “The Great Wall of Vagina” in London which displays 400 plaster casts of vulvas. “For many women their genital appearance is a source of anxiety and I was in a position to do something about that.” McCartney was quoted saying. I suppose if a woman has not seen many vaginas in her day or whose only vaginal sightings have been in high production porno movies, she might worry that there is something different looking about her own.


I suppose it comes down to personal preference – like breast augmentation. In fact, I myself had a breast reduction 8 years ago. It took me years of deliberating the pros and cons of having the surgery preformed. Cost was not an issue as it was fully covered by insurance since my small frame couldn’t handle magnitude of the breasts I had inherited from my aunt Dee. My concern was more about going under general anesthesia and having my body cut into that made me pause. Ultimately, it was one of the greatest decisions I have ever made and am still candidly thrilled with the designer rack my plastic surgeon made for me with the leftovers.

I can imagine that for women getting a “rejuvenation” it is just that – a transformation she does for herself that makes her feel confident and sexy. And I can’t argue with any woman trying to accomplish those feelings, but am not certain that a few hours in an operating room will truly accomplish any change in self-confidence anymore than a pretty new pair of shoes could. In conclusion, I think it’s pretty amazing that my doctor is paying her mortgage with the money she makes cutting off what most women in 3rd world countries would love the right to keep to begin with.